Root Cause: How to Get Out of Your Own Head
I was speaking with a client the other day who’s going through a move. The move wasn’t unexpected and being the organized person she is, she began putting her possessions, her life, into boxes weeks before the move date.
This is an excellent tactic to avoid the last minute stress packing. The kind when the lamp shade and the books somehow end up in the same box, and the duffel you thought was going to be able to hold more, really didn’t but you’re out of boxes and now you’re stuck carrying random, awkward items like the bin of barbecue equipment and the tennis racket leftover from childhood.
This client neatly avoids this calamity of events many of us find ourselves subjected to (as I slowly raise my hand, thinking of every time I’ve moved), but she finds herself in another situation that can be equally, if not more, egregious:
Living. In. Boxes.
Not that she packed the things that she needs into boxes before her move (she’s a super smart, and obviously super organized lady, after all), but everywhere she looked there were boxes.
Living room? Boxes.
Kitchen. Boxes.
Bedroom? Boxes.
Now, everyone has their own taste in décor and while style may vary wildly from person to person, I’ve never been a guest in a home that used boxes to decorate.
As you can imagine, seeing your life partially packed into boxes for weeks was… not the most relaxing, nurturing, restorative environment to live in.
We did figure out a solution for her (create a space in the home sans boxes), and then she moved. Yay!
New digs— hooray! Same boxes. Womp.
This client also has a standing weekly date that helps her to clear her mind, and leaves her feeling refreshed, centered, and ready for another week.
But, with the move so recent, she was still living in boxes.
Instead of keeping the standing date night as-is, she decided to shift things back to her place, and took the time that she would have spent out of her house and used it to begin to stabilize her new nest.
While she missed her usual routine, the absence of the ubiquitous brown cardboard had nearly the same restorative, grounding effect as her normal practice.
It reminded me of a story I read about a woman who went to a weekly yoga class in order to relieve some of the stress she had from debt. Once a week she would take “me-time” and go to this class, feeling much better about her situation in life when she was through.
Things changed when a friend looked at her finances. She learned that, if, instead of practicing downdogs and savasana at a studio once week, she worked that night instead, she could actually pay off her debts in a matter of months.
I’m not putting down yoga studios, yoga, or downdogs for that matter. They certainly have a place, and millions of people around the world would agree they feel better after their yoga practice. “Me-time” is super, duper important.
The issue wasn’t the me-time. It was spending time trying to be at peace with a problem that she could have spent the time instead solving all the way to an actual resolution. And then she could go back to her weekly yoga class in a really clear mind.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, my client showed wisdom in using her time to restore her own sanctuary, addressing her own problem at its root.
She could have gone through the motions of her weekly standing meeting, and she very likely would have felt great afterwards, but it wouldn’t have been able to compete with the feeling of having her life out of boxes, of feeling like she had a sanctuary once more, not a place of limbo.
It’s an interesting lesson. While you may be aware of a problem (debt, boxes, an unfulfilling job), are you taking the necessary steps to remediate the problem? Or are you seeking ways to feel better about the problem without actually addressing the root cause?
Here are three simple steps to help get out of Stuck City:
- Identify the Problem. Where is the stress point, the source? There’s likely more than one. List em all. There’s power in examining these points of discomfort.
- Create Solutions. Our brains are amazing. If you give them a problem, time and space, they will come up with solutions. Write down 10-20 solutions to your problem. They can be as micro or macro as you wish (e.g. moving that book off the shelf where it doesn’t belong or completely changing your career— it’s all acceptable here).
- Take. Action. If you’re finding yourself freezing on this step, or held in the grip of procrastination, take the smallest step possible. Often solving our problems is simple. Perhaps not easy, but simple in their own right.
If one of your stress points was clutter in your home can you take action to donate, discard and otherwise remove said clutter? Our brains calculate clutter, are constantly observing it, and it really does create the same chaos in our brain.
If the clutter stems from a temporary situation, like moving boxes, can you create a space in your home that you can sit and relax without looking at cardboard? This could be a small meditation corner, or the entire view from your couch.
If the problem is debt, can you brainstorm ways to eliminate it? Call & get your car insurance rates lowered, reduce your spending (at least temporarily), negotiate your cable/internet bill, ask for a raise, work a little overtime. If you sit with it for a minute, I bet you can come up with 10-20 ways of reducing or eliminating your debt. Go!
Or perhaps it’s your J-O-B. Does your job light you up? Make you excited to get out of bed in the morning? Does your job enable you to have the lifestyle you want? Do you feel a soul-level satisfaction with what you do? If not, perhaps it’s time for an evaluation there (and if you’re stuck, you’ve got to check out Steer Your Course, it’s designed to get you out of Stuck-ville and into the career and life of your dreams).
Whatever the source of angst, frustration, anxiety, un-centeredness, taking time to sit with the problem and brainstorm solutions is a way to own your power and a huge step to creating the life of your dreams.
What’s one thing bugging you right now? And what are you going to do about it? I’d love to know! Comment below.