Comfort: How Can It Be Problematic?
Are you ready? Get comfortable.
The origin of the word “comfort” comes from Latin, via French, and originally meant “to strengthen or support.”
If you’re comforting a friend, you’re supporting them through a trial. If you’re providing comfort for yourself, at the bare minimum you’re providing food, water, shelter, and some extra pretty flowers.
So if comfort is to strengthen oneself (yes, flowers strengthen), how could it possibly become a problem?
Comfort itself is not a problem. We get comfortable for bed, to rest and rejuvenate our minds and bodies.
We wear comfortable clothes, so we can move and go about our day without worrying about anything constricting or constraining our movements.
We take comfort in our bodies, the fortitude s/he shows in helping us navigate the world day after day, year after year.
Comfort is not a problem. As long as it’s not conflated with numbness.
Too often we use tools to numb ourselves to our situations, our surroundings, in order to make ourselves feel more comfortable.
This can show up as needing to drink at parties or gatherings where you don’t know people to get that “liquid courage” and avoid the potential discomfort or awkwardness of new social interactions.
This could look like the need for a substance (a special gummy, 2 glasses of wine, whatever floats your boat) at the end of the day to “take the edge off” or going all out partying on weekends to alleviate the tedium of the week.
It can look like not exercising because it’s drizzling outside or your cat gave you the side eye.
It can look like watching hours of TV every day or spending that time in the scroll hole of social media.
Why do we do these things that bring us “comfort”?
In short, because of our brains. There are three parts to our brains:
- The “reptile brain” that controls functions like breathing, heart rate, and balance.
- The “mammalian brain” or “emotional brain” of which the most notable part is the amygdala— where the fight or flight response comes from.
- The neocortex or “primate brain” where our rational thought comes from.
Our mammalian brain, specifically the amygdala, is hard wired to keep us safe. Evolutionarily, that’s how we’ve survived. We needed to be able to recognize that the snake coiled in the grass should not be ignored, and to respond accordingly.
The trouble is, we’ve let this evolutionary hardwiring take over. Our mammalian brain is low-resolution, so when we start to feel an excess of pressure at work, or an over-commitment to activities, this system cannot differentiate between these circumstances and a snake poised to strike.
If left unchecked, our mammalian brain will hijack our systems in order to keep us from being killed.
Even though we joke that it “may be the death of me,” that project at work isn’t actually going to kill you. It cannot wield a weapon.
It’s your thoughts about the project at work (your boss, your job as a whole, where you live, money, etc etc) that are lethal.
This system that is keeping the snake from biting you is also the one that is keeping you safe in your life.. and sometimes safe just doesn’t bring us the comfort that we think it will.
So how do we contend with millions-of-years-old hardwiring?
Enter the neocortex.
Instead of letting the more primitive parts of our brains run amuck, we’re allowed to examine our thoughts. In fact, it’s imperative we do so.
Why do you want to veg out on the couch for hours? Or have that second beer on a Wednesday? If it’s because you’ve had a rough day, and this is your normal, perhaps it’s time to examine why that day was so tough and how you can do things differently.
I’m not saying to never let loose or put on some sweat pants, order a pizza, and have a good couch veg session. Those are therapeutic in their own right. It’s the frequency of these sessions that can signal an underlying issue that we’re avoiding facing.
A question to ask yourself when you’re having a moment of wanting to turn comfort into numbness is: “Is this who I want to be?”
If the answer is a resounding “Hell Yes!” then go on with your bad self.
If the answer is anything else, then here are some suggestions to bring you out of numb and back into true comfort, to fortify yourself:
- Journal. Write out everything that’s bothering you, why you’d like to ignore it, and if you had a magic wand, what you’d see change.
- Go for a walk. Yes, even if it’s freezing. Yes, even if it’s 110 degrees. Dress accordingly, prepare for hydration. Notice where the discomfort is in your body.
- Get a hobby. Be bad at something and keep practicing until you’re better. Use your brain to solve problems, create music or art.
Life begins at the edge of our comfort zone. Our creature comforts are a boon when they’re used to truly fortify and strengthen us. It’s up to you to decide whether they’ve turned into a crutch for living a life that doesn’t light you up.
From there, it’s up to you how to shape your life that is aligned with your goals, values, and purpose, knowing how to seek comfort when needed, and to be mindful of how you may numb the discomfort of growth.
If you’re ready to live your life on purpose, and are ready for a framework to help you do so, you’ve gotta join my upcoming webinar: The Elevate Blueprint: Creating Purpose & Fulfillment in Your Work. Click here for more information and to register.